Thursday, December 21, 2006

Living with MS

I have multiple sclerosis. I got diagnosed about 2 yrs ago. We had thought I had, had a stroke, but it turned out after MANY test that I had MS. Everyday is different. Some days you wake up and feel good, others you wake up and are in so much pain you cant move. It can be so frustrating because in your mind everything is working, yet your body just wont cooperate. I feel like I can walk and move my body normal, yet my body doesnt seem to be listening. MS treats every person differently. I have a very progressive and rapid type, so I had to have chemo to slow it down. It was a very hard time for me and my family. Of course I lost a lot of hair (my poor hairdresser cried more then I did shes been doing my hair for years god love her!), but its slowly growing back now. I mean its just hair right? What made stuff worse is I finally got done with the chemo and I started passing out and having new symptoms. I was so scared that the chemo didnt work. I went to my dr and my blood pressure was extremely high, so he decided to check my past bp's. Its been high for 8 months now, they put me on some new meds and that helped. It sucks that I have hypertension (high blood pressure) now, but it was good news it wasnt MS related. I have 7 kids (4 adopted foster kids, 2 bio kids, 1 stepdaughter) so life can be a circus. I love them all so much and I am so afraid to leave them. I hated every moment of chemo, but I did it all for my family, even for just one more day. I worry so much about leaving them. Will they forget me? Will I see them graduate? Get married? I just cant focus on that kinda thing, just live everyday to the fullest. If your living with a non curable disease like this let me know ill add you to my prayer list.